In a few months I'll be going camping with my family... as in not just my husband but my family AND my sisters'. This means I have a few weeks to get ready... No, not with anything camping related but more on a personel level. I need to make sure my confidence level is strong.
Confidence... how to have it?
Right now, I'd say my confidence level is like a 6. It is mainly because I've been lazy. Sometimes I don't bother to do my waxings, most times I don't do anything special with my hair... I haven't even bother to get clothes that fit in years. I don't bother going to the gym or walk or even play with my dancing game. And right now I'm ok with a confidence level of a six.
However, in May, I'll be seeing one of my sisters who has recently lost a lot of weight. In June, I'll again be with her and another sister who lost a lot of weight a few years ago... basically, I am now the fat sister of the bunch.
It does bother me but not because of my weight. I know I can look good with weight. I've been plus-sized for many years and know that my weight doesn't have to be a certain number to make me feel good. Now, being healthy, that is another story. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY... however, that is for another blog posting. This is about my confidence....
So if I'm comfortable with being the biggest sister out of the bunch, why am I worried about building up my confidence? Well, my family isn't always the kindest bunch and I need to be prepare. I need to remember that even if my thighs touch, I still have a really pretty smile and eyes. I need to remember that even though I have grey hair, I still have beautiful hair with a silky texture. I need to make sure I know that even though I'll be bigger than the other girls, my belly and big tatas are so squishy-comfortable to my little girl, lol.
I also need to remember that just because my sisters look good, it doesn't mean that I look bad. I think that is something a lot of women do. If they see someone else who looks good, they think it means they themselves look bad. My sisters have gone through a lot with their own confidence levels and deserve to be able to feel good about themselves. I'm hoping I can keep from being one of those people, hating on someone because of what they have. If I want to lose weight and be skinny, then I have my own options... If I decide I don't want to take any of those options, then I cannot hate on others who do. My sisters should be proud of how they have changed their bodies and I should be proud and happy for them while remembering to be proud and happy for myself.
Besides, this is a good test for me. I want to be able to teach my daughter to love who she is, to feel good about herself when she's around others. I don't want her to worry about how other people look at her. I don't want her to grow up trying to fit in with how everyone else looks or to feel bad about herself if she doesn't. And I don't want her to grow up feeling jealous or bad if someone else looks good around her.
I guess I'm already on step 1 to having a strong confidence level :D
